What a trying day. I've felt attacked and challenged to remain positive. But that's what can happen when you're trying to do good things and change your life. Guilt tried to enter the core of my being. Self-doubt tried to consume me. Sadness flat out fell upon me. I cried in our vehicle on a 35 minute drive alone. I was heartbroken.
My heart is breaking about the things I've seen with some of the kids (now in their twenties) I used to teach in youth group at church. I'm seeing them test the waters, push the boundaries, and flat out deny that God exists. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and entitled to decide for themselves what they belive. I just think back and remember how on fire they were in those days; how eager they were to learn and I loved watching them grow! But I was overwhelmed with guilt today, feeling that my divorce somehow caused them to turn away from what they once believed. It was a super difficult time in my life and I know it affected them, too. It has weighed on my heart ever since.
But tonight, the guilt I once felt is gone.
God took it away. I know that I was put in their lives for a reason and the impact He allowed me to make still lives inside each one of them... somewhere. And I pray for them anytime they come to my mind! They were like my little brothers and sisters, each one of them.
I bring this up because the heaviness of this caused additional anxiety, with self-image issues and insecurity. After another breakdown, my husband comforted me, reassured me that it was going to be fine, and I was able to recover! But, in the midst of this turmoil, it never occurred to me to run to the fridge or pantry for comfort!!!!! Instead, I surrounded myself with people I trust, who care about me, and were there to lift me up in prayer.
KIDS, THAT IS A MILESTONE!!!
You just really have no idea!!! I'm truly starting to view food as fuel most of the time and rarely think about eating because of an emotion. Every now and then I'll start to think about eating something out of the boredom habit, but it's rare. I have faith and belive that, with God's help, it will stay that way!
Celebrate the amazing miracles that happen among all the adversity in this world. Life is much to short to live in the past, to be negative, and to hold on to the things that hold us back from moving toward our dreams!