When I first arrived, I thought I'd pick up right where I left off back in June... ready to dance and move without any trouble! I quickly realized the three month delay had impacted me.
I was out of breath and out of shape.
With a wall of mirrors it was impossible not to notice myself and how I looked when I moved. I didn't like what I saw. It wasn't appealing to me. I instantly felt embarrassed and wondered what other people might be thinking. I felt ugly and fat and gross. I wanted to leave. I didn't think I looked good dancing and I started to question what I was even doing there. I was wearing a t-shirt and yoga sweats while most everyone else had on cute workout tops and shorts.
All of those thoughts lasted about three minutes... then I was reminded:
Inferiority and insecurity.
I realized I was comparing. I was focused on the wrong things. I was on the verge of allowing feelings of insecurity and inferiority to over take me.
And just like that, I turned it around.
WE'RE AT A GYM! A gym is a place people come to get fit, lose weight, and be healthy. We're all here for similar reasons. We all struggle with things we don't like about ourselves. I'm certainly not the only overweight woman in the room. I'm not the only first-timer. I'm not the only one dealing with insecurity and inferiority. I'm probably not the only one who's fighting off the urge to compare. I'm not the only one who's out of breath and out of shape.
I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.
We're all women struggling with similar and different emotions. I thank God I'm now aware of how Satan uses insecurity and inferiority to attack us and keep us from bringing our dreams to life... to keep us unhappy, miserable, unfruitful people. We're all beautiful and have so much to offer the world... and it doesn't matter our size. From our heart the mouth speaks... and I hope it's pretty. And our thoughts can easily become our actions if we aren't careful.
So you know what I did? I told Satan - once again - where to go. "Get behind me! I'm about to shake these hips!" And from that point on, I had fun with it. I put on an authentic smile and rocked that hustle... and I didn't care how it looked to anyone else, because in a few months I'm gonna be even better at it. I'll no longer be a beginner!
Oh and Zumba, look out tonight. YOU'RE NEXT!