Not one ounce of me wanted to do it, but it had to be done.
I had to step on the scale after eleven weeks of taking a break from weighing myself and continuing to swim. In my head I was convinced I'd gained a bunch of weight during that time. I hadn't been able to work out since April 3rd because of the pain. I hadn't been eating right, I hadn't logged food, I hadn't held myself as accountable for the choices I was making. My new, smaller-sized clothes weren't fitting the way they did when I purchased them, so (internal thoughts) "I must have completely blown it".
But I didn't.
I didn't wreck the whole thing and I didn't blow it. Instead, I actually surprised myself... and made myself REALLY PROUD! I only gained 8 pounds during that time! EIGHT! Seriously? I thought for sure it would be worse than that!
When I think back to those weeks I see that, although I wasn't logging food daily, I was saying no a lot when part of me desired to overeat or eat when I wasn't really hungry. Many days I couldn't handle small amounts of food without feeling really full and nauseous. I wasn't running to food for comfort as often as I used to in that kind of situation. I wasn't feeling defeated. I wasn't allowing my circumstances to overtake me and ruin everything.
I didn't fail!
I trusted God to get me through. I gave myself a break because I couldn't help that I was in pain. I knew this would pass. I didn't allow myself to be a victim. I listened for God's voice and looked for lessons I could learn. I stayed patient. I believed in His timing. I believed this would help me in the future and trusted there was a reason. I held tight to my dreams. I shut Satan down and ignored his lies. I never gave up.
After my surgery in August of last year, I gained back the 25 pounds I'd previously lost. This time, it's only 8 pounds... and boy does that kind of math make me feel good! :)
Now, on to the next chapter of my story!