Words can hurt.
And once said, they're sometimes difficult to forget. This applies to the words we speak to ourselves, as well as to others. The more we tell ourselves things the more we believe them. We create stories in our heads and draw conclusions without all the facts. We focus on what we want to hear and ignore the things we don't want to face. We beat ourselves up. We blame others. We avoid processing things from our past because it hurts our hearts and our pride. We usually don't like to be held accountable for our actions.
I don't like having to admit when I mess up. And I've made it so much more uncomfortable for myself by having this blog, Facebook page, Twitter, Instagram, Google+, and LinkedIn. I've committed to share my victories AND struggles with the world in an effort to hold myself accountable in this weight loss journey and the journey to bring my dreams to life. But it's not always fun. When I'm struggling emotionally, physically, and mentally, I'm sometimes really embarrassed to share it with you. I don't want you to know I'm not rocking it every day like a pro and setting a perfect example of how it should look. Reality is, nothing - and no one - is perfect.
I could probably sit here and write a well-written, uplifting and inspiring post every day, leading you to believe that everything's hunky-dory in my world. But it would eventually lead you to question what's wrong with you. You'd think "Why do I struggle so much when this chick has it so easy? Why can't I seem to be this happy and motivated all the time? Why do I keep messing up and having to fight so many battles? Why should I even keep trying? It's just too hard."
Yes, the journey to make those God-given dreams come to life is definitely hard. Like, super hard. But it's worth it! Life is difficult and we are NOT perfect. We make mistakes, we do things we don't want to do, we say things we don't want to say, and we find ourselves wishing we could take things back. For example, I wish I would've talked myself out of those Nutty Bar cravings last week at work. I'd be $5.50 richer, I would've saved 1,150 calories, and I would've been so proud of myself for resisting those temptations. What's done is done and I can't take it back. What I can do is confront it head-on, forgive myself for giving in to temptation - reverting to old, bad habits, and move forward. JUST KEEP MOVING FORWARD!
Every time I share my embarrassing moments and uncomfortable admissions with you, I feel freedom. I feel supported, encouraged, and loved... and it makes me want to keep going. I find forgiveness from God and from those who care about me and my happiness. And I forgive myself and try again. Instead of beating myself up with words like "Why even bother" and "This is too hard" and "You're a failure", I will encourage myself by saying "It happened... but this dream is too important to me so I won't give up" and "It's difficult, but it will be totally worth it", and "You're a rock star for not giving up"!
I refuse to dwell on mistakes I've made. Satan wants that for me, but he won't win.